I found you………A Journey to Discovery…


 

 

Ancestry.com and I have  been acquainted since 2012, but in November of 2014 we became close friends.

I’d spend at least 15 minutes on the site at a minimum of 5 times a day just to see if there was any new information for me.

I was on a hunt and I wasn’t going to let up until I got what I was hoping to find….

Clues to our family’s heritage.

This is the second entry in the series  A Journey to Discovery

 

 

My dad  grew up as an only child not knowing his father.

My brother, sister and I had learned to accept this from a young age. We had questions but no one had answers and my dad’s mother wasn’t talking.

We’d always pondered the thought that there was a good chance that my dad had siblings. We had enough information on his father to know that he’d been married to the same woman for almost all of his life and that they very possibly had children. But up to this point, I couldn’t find one shred of evidence to prove they did.

I had key information……. my grandfather’s name, his father’s name, his brother’s name and his mother’s name as well as her maiden name. And though I seemed to have everything I needed, I was still hitting a dead end…..

This was my 2nd real attempt to research him. I’d come up empty handed before, got discouraged and gave up.

For 2 years.

 

For whatever reason, I dove in again.

 

Then it happened.

 

December 28, we were celebrating Christmas with my family and I was going onto the website to show my mom the progress I’d made on her family tree and there it was…that beautiful green leaf, waving at me. A “Hint” as they’re called….

 

The hint came in the form of a marriage certificate. Specifically, the one recording the marriage of my grandfather to the woman he’d been married to for life.

Really? Now it pops up?  

 

I’d been online for 2 years with my own account and that marriage certificate never, ever came up. Never.

 

Until Then.

 

As soon as I clicked on the leaf I squealed. My mom was right next to me and I exclaimed, “Mom! I have the marriage certificate of *Marvin and his wife,*Dorothy! Finally, we know her maiden name!”

I also now had her mother’s  first name, maiden name and father’s name as well.

 

Writing this now I’m still astounded that for what ever reason that hint didn’t come up until that day…and all the information I’d had from my intial set up of my account was exactly the same. Not one thing was different.

It was such a serendipitous thing as my parents were visiting from out of town and my mom was in on all the research.

 

A few days passed and I continued to look on Ancestry.com. I had never coughed up the membership fee to bump me up to the U.S Discovery Membership. 

It was time.

 

January 5, I paid it.

Totally worth it.

 

Now I was able to search everything. I had access to a crazy amount of information.

 

First thing I did was put in a search with my biological grandfather’s wife’s name.

Lo and behold, up pops a college yearbook with her picture in it.

I knew it was her. Don’t ask me how... but I was certain. Though her name was not uncommon for that time, something went off in me like a bell……... I knew it was her.

 

Seeing that yearbook picture gave me the strangest feeling. I felt as though I’d found a lost treasured friend. This was a woman related to me only in that she’d been married to my grandfather for his lifetime.

Zero blood ties……… but the feeling was there.

As I looked at this picture of a beautiful young woman as senior in her college yearbook I whispered, ” I found you.”

 

I don’t ever talk to myself out loud, I mean I’m a little nutty and all but I don’t talk to myself…out loud anyway. Goodness knows why I was doing it then, but when I did, I had the sensation there was someone with me looking over my shoulder……..Like that, “I’m not alone here” feeling. The hair stood up on the back of my neck…

I saved the picture to her profile in my family tree and I continued to search the Ancestry website. I found her parents in census records with her name listed in the home.

Seems I’d found the right people.

 

If you’ve ever search census records, marriage certificates and death certificates you know, it’s easy to get people confused. I was surprised at how many people can share the same name and the misspellings abound…

 

Though it was probable I’d found all the accurate information, I was nervous.

What if it wasn’t the “right  family? What if I was way off base? What if I’d gone in the absolute wrong direction?!

Yet, I couldn’t shake the undenyable feeling that I had the names I needed.

I realize new information is added constantly but I was still astounded that here it was staring me in the face.

I went from nothing one day to everything the next.

 

I was so intrigued and excited. I found myself bouncing around on the website just clicking away. Back and forth matching dates and names.

 

And then I hit the jackpot…… I found *Dorothy’s obituary. Not the actual newspaper article, but a formatted recorded form with all the verbiage.

It listed my grandfather’s name as her spouse who’d preceded her in death and…….. get this………names of 2 daughters, their husbands and 8 grandchildren.

 

Names. Of. Her Family. Members.

Concrete names.

I was freaking out.

 

I stopped right there. After not knowing whether there were siblings on my dad’s side, here I had names….full on names.

Even though I knew it was likely they’d had children, I’d spent so much time associating my grandfather and his wife as childless. I thought the lack of information was indicative of them not having their own family….

My head was about to explode.

I could barely absorb what I saw. “What if this is really the right record!  I mean really, how many couples with both of the names *Marvin and *Dorothy *Hart  could exist in the United States?”

I was afraid to get excited…what if these were the wrong people?

But what if they were the right ones??!!

 

I was on the website for hours, studying the information I’d found.

 

I utilized one of the searches where you plug in one of your ancestor’s names to see if there are any other family trees on the website with that name in them. I entered in my grandfather’s name and only one “public” tree  I located had his name in it.

“Public trees” are those where a particular user allows other Ancestry.com members to see the ancestors in their family tree. “Private trees” are just that; private. In a “Private Tree” you can see the ancestor who’s name matches your ancestor’s but not much else.

 

With the discovery that I’d found a member, I utilized the messaging option on the website to ask that person if the patriarch in her tree was her grandfather……

……..ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THAT MEMBER’S NAME MATCHED THE NAME OF ONE OF THE GRANDCHILDREN IN *DOROTHY’S OBITUARY!!!!!!!

I know, right?!

Wow.

All my life wondering about my biological grandfather and his possible children……. here I had a legitimate link?

 

The member I messaged, answered within a few hours and said ,”Yes, that was my Mother’s father.”

Aack!! Holy Crap!!!!!

But wait! What if my grandfather’s name was just a common name and she also had a family member with the same one?! I hadn’t been specific enough!!!!

I went back and messaged her again but didn’t get second response.

Oh crud, I thought. I blew that tiny window of opportunity. I just wanted to reach out into the interwebs and scream…wait a minute!!!

 

This was an emotionally exhausting project. So much of my brain space had been devoted to working on it. I needed to let go for a few days and think about what I’d found.

At this point I hadn’t even told anyone in my family about the discovery.

I was at a loss as to what to do next.

 

A few days later, while  I was getting ready for work I was rethinking all the physical records I’d seen concerning my grandfather and his wife. Right then I remembered…… besides their marriage certificate,  I’d only seen records of phone directories, not census records!

I’d seen at least 4 directory records from different places in the U.S. but it didn’t cross my mind what I was looking at!!!!  Phone directories are not census records! They do not show the inhabitants of the household, only the head of the household and their spouse!

As I’m thinking this I hear a voice in my head say,” You were the one who decided there weren’t any children. You did that.”

I had made assumptions based on what I saw not paying attention to what kind of records they were!

 

I didn’t go back to my computer until late night the next day….all the while pondering what was made evident to me.

Phone directories. Not Census records. Phone directories. Not census records…..

 

I kept returning to the obituary and thinking…. I (we) have two aunts (and uncles) and 8 first cousins? Their names are right in front of me. These are real people.

After wondering all my life ……and, if this is true they live 3 flippin’ states away from me?

So surreal.

It only took me a few hours spread over a few weeks to find everything I was looking for. The names in my family tree had never changed from the very beginning. But now I had answers.

 

Two days later, as I was about to drift off to sleep, I hear a voice say my name.

It was a grown woman’s voice gently saying my name. Not yelling, not calling, just saying my name….as if to get my attention.

  “Crap. I was almost asleep”, I thought. And then…”Wait,who was that?”

 

This sort of thing has happened to me my whole life. My whole life. Not the same voice but every once in a while, I’ll hear someone say my name. 

I’ve always assumed it was my own immagination…as vivid as it is….working overtime…except that I was currently reading the book,  A Sudden Light By Garth Stein and one of the characters in the book was having the same experience.

This stuff happens to other people?? Someone actually wrote about this?!

 

( Great book by the way, I highly recommend it. You’re welcome for the plug, Mr. Stein)

 

 

I went on about my business and later in the week I asked a friend, who’s extremely intutitive, about what I’d heard. She looked at me for a minute as if to retrieve information and said,” I think this is someone you know.”

 

Whatever or whomever it was, I was aware that I was supposed to be working on something or not forgetting something.

Or, taking my new found information and moving forward….

 

So, I did…..

 

*Names have been changed to maintain privacy.

 

Side note: It is not my intention to shame my grandmother or anyone involved with our family’s history…this is merely my personal journey in finding my ancestry.

Due to my dad’s mid-stage Alzheimer’s disease, he has not been a part of the research.

 

 

This is the honest accounting of everything we were (weren’t) told and my personal experience in the process of finding my family’s heritage.

To be continued…

 



Incomplete…… A Journey Of Discovery


 

 

It is the strangest thing to not know where you came from….I mean, I know where I came from…..duh, my mom and dad…. but there  was a large missing piece of our family puzzle……. for as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to find it.

The very idea that there was such a big chunk of our ancestry unaccounted for pushed me to search…..

 

 

My dad grew up not knowing his father.

 

It was just “one of those things” we sort of accepted that we’d never know. We knew my Dad’s father’s name but not much else.

The subject, when I was a kid, was totally taboo. We didn’t mention it ever but as my sister and I got older we started asking questions.

Nothing ever came of it.

 

The topic was always hush-hush.

 

I understand it was a time and a place back  in 1934 but come on……like if we don’t talk about it, it doesn’t exist?

There wasn’t a way to explain why my sister and brother were so tall when the 3 other complete sides of our family were not.

Or that my dad didn’t look much like his mother…maybe he resembled his father?

My grandmother would not acknowledge our curiosity.

 

That was until my sister had her first baby and wanted to know if there were any health issues on that side of the family. What she got was a extremely abbreviated version of what had occured…..

 

She got pregnant, he got transferred out of state, her  mother took her on a train to where he was and made him marry my grandmother, they went home, my dad was born….end of story.

 

That was it. Nothing else.

Of course my sister, brother and I wanted to know more.

              

 

In 2012 I started a free account on Ancestry. com.

 

I immediatly entered in the names I needed to start my family tree. Even without paying the membership fee, there was a ton of information available.

Gaining access to those 3 known sides of my ancestors on the website  was easy …..those sides were Mormon and their information was listed in the church.

 

It was that 4th side of my family that elluded me. That side was nearly impossible to search. I had the necessary names but it didn’t seem to matter.

When I couldn’t find a thing, got discouraged and dropped the project for two years.

 

Then, in November of 2014 I was prompted to start searching again. Prompted by what..I don’t know….but I began really, really looking…

 

I’ve always felt incomplete. There was this whole side of me…of my sister, my brother and my dad …..missing. 

This time I wouldn’t quit. I couldn’t

 

And it’s a good thing I didn’t………………………..

 

 

 

Side note: It is not my intention to shame my grandmother or anyone involved with our family’s history…this is merely my personal journey in finding my ancestry. The events that occured in 1934 are not important now. This is more about connecting the chain that is our family back together.

 

Due to my dad’s mid-stage Alzheimers’ disease, he has not been a part of my research.

 

 

 

This is the honest accounting of everything we were (weren’t) told.

To be continued…

 



Christmas presence……


Christmastime…….so many memories from 40 plus years of life……some are ones I wish I could relive……some are ones I’d like to forget.

But it always, ALWAYS seems that I end up with some sort of lesson or takeaway nugget from each one.

Up until 2005, things had been relatively smooth for us as a family and as a couple; Hubs and I and our 3 boys.
Due to many factors our lives changed and, for what seemed to be too many years in a row, things were just downright difficult.

We dealt with monetary, health, and housing issues only to find who our true friends were (we’re profoundly lucky to have many quality people in that category) and what the true meaning of the season is.

The year is 2008 and things are rough. The economy has taken a dump and we’re stressed out about how we’d provide a Christmas for our boys.

In times of stress, Hubs and I react similarly……we work. Hard. There wasn’t much available but we did what we could. This meant that we’d ignored some of the preparation for the holiday. A Christmas tree didn’t cross our minds and we’d only briefly discussed lights on the house.

It was a Tuesday late in the month of December and I was on my way home. When I drove up, our dear friends and neighbors were standing in the front yard with Hubs….they were singing Christmas carols.

Hubs was in the front yard SINGING. (?!)

AND there were Christmas lights on the house……I was stunned at the sight.

When did he have time to do the lights?

It was about 7:00 and I was sure he hadn’t been home for very long before me. This was unreal. I got out of the car and Hubs followed me into the house…..

“The lights look amazing! That was the exact design I was thinking of! How did you know?!”
He looked at me and I could see his eyes looked kinda glassy and I thought, “What’s wrong with him?”

He paused for a split second and said quietly, “I didn’t do the lights.”

“Wait.What?”

“Clay did them”, and he smiled and grabbed my hand and led me into the living room where there was Christmas standing. “Mike and Dena got us the tree.” Holy. Crap. Tears ensued…..

Our friends saw our need and went out and did those things for us.
In the busy-ness of their own lives, they found time. Wow. Just wow.

I felt and still feel, that in times of need, God doesn’t abandon us. He sent our friends to be the joy in the season that year.

We are blessed and we know it.

What a truly amazing gift. To have friends like that……..I’m still so beyond touched that when I’ve tried to tell the story aloud I can’t get through it without getting choked up.

Christmas time is here, and once again I’m reminded……the most meaningful gifts don’t always come in a box.



Without bells, without bows.


I didn’t want it to come but it came anyway.  I worried about how I’d get everything done in 3 days. There was no way to stop it.

Christmas was coming; whether I wanted it to or not.

I’ve always loved the holiday season, but in the last few years with traumatic events having occured in December, I find myself bracing against it. It’s as if my body remembers even though my mind tries it’s best to forget. This year in particular was hard and I wasn’t aware until right up to the time of celebration

We’d had a crazy year and I found myself compartmentalizing so many things.

As a hairdresser it’s the busiest time of year and for the last few, my husband and I had waited until the last 3 or 4 days before Christmas to shop. Bills come first and we never know exactly how much money we’ll make…..being self employed. Obviously that determines how much we’ll spend.

We had just moved in with his parents in October after a really rough year and a half. The responsibility of not having to decorate was a relief.  I’ve always felt that as a mother and a wife it’s my job to set the tone. I make the holiday by the atmosphere I create.

None of that would be my doing. I was exempt and trying to escape into my job.

I worked up until December 21st and J and I planned on knocking out all of our shopping in a few days. This is very easy for me.

I don’t go shopping; I go getting. When I leave the house I already know where I’m going and what I’m going to buy.

The youngest boy had been sick with what I thought was a cold so he’d been home with Grandma while I went to work and when he ceased to get better I became suspiscious. His illness had gone on for 4 days…too long for just a sore throat and a cold. The first morning I was off I asked him if I could look in his throat and it was clearly obvious. Strep.

I hauled him off to the doctor….I didn’t tell him he’d be swabbed. He was pissed………..got his medication and brought him home.

Christmas Eve came and we were planning to celebrate at my bother’s house where my parents would be staying as they come from out of town. But, our house has always been the one where we celebrate the holidays. It’s usually my mom and I that prepare the food together …………she and I play a thing I call “cocktails around the world”……..and they stay at our house.

This has been the way we’ve doing it for years. At the time I was relieved to not have all that hanging over my head. I thought this was a good thing.

Until Christmas Eve came.

That afternoon, my oldest son told me he wasn’t feeling well either and that he wasn’t sure he would be going with us to my brother’s house.

I completely understood as I had a sore throat as well. As we gathered everyone up to leave, he decided to come and we all barreled into my family’s celebration.

I was aware I didn’t feel well, but I had stuff to do and I knew I’d be able to sleep eventually.

Dinner was delicious and my brother and sister-in-law’s house was beautifully decorated. Once everyone had finished eating we went into the living room and my parents and my brother’s family proceeded to shower my boys with gifts. This was very unexpected. We’d agreed years ago that we wouldn’t exchange presents. I hadn’t brought a thing.  I felt terrible and embarrassed.

I was still shell shocked from the last 18 months barely thinking about anything except what had to be done.

It came time to leave as my oldest was feeling very poorly by then and it was time for my youngest’s next dose of antibiotics…….. I’d left them in the fridge at home.

As I got up from the couch to go hug and thank my brother, I walked past their Christmas tree.

He is by far one of the sweetest men I know….2nd to my husband……and I think he knew what was going on with me even if I didn’t.

I turned as my mom came over to me and I looked at the tree and started to say, “I miss my own tree. I miss having my own house.”

The second sentence came out completely garbled with tears. They poured down hitting me like a ton of bricks. I had not even thought about anything to do with the holiday. Truth is I hadn’t let myself think about Christmas because I didn’t really want it to come. Different from the previous years. Even different from the year when my boys were so graciously given money from an anonymous person.

This year I had tried to numb myself. To not feel. Maybe I thought if I did that I could ignore the festivities and not feel the losses that I hadn’t let myself deal with.

Ones that had occured 6 years before.

Funny when you stop running from feelings they find you, crashing like a wave over your head. I know I’m being vague but I haven’t revealed any of those things in writing……..guess I’m waiting for the right time to tackle that subject.

I didn’t want the holiday to come. Plain and simple. I didn’t want to do it because none of the particulars were right. Nothing was how I knew it. None of my own decorations or ornaments were present….all the things I’ve collect throughout the years. None of those things were in the house we were calling home. I wanted to skip everything and fast forward to January.

But the gift of Christmas is just that. A gift.

I wasn’t ready to receive it and God (the Universe, whatever you want to believe) was profoundly patient in waiting for me to accept it. Waiting for me to be ready to understand that this gift didn’t require anything in return.

Even when I felt I had nothing left of me to give.

The gift of being loved on by my parents and the rest of my immediate family. Being cocooned……..having a soft place to land until I could properly acknowledge what He already knew. I was sad and in mourning. I had done my very best to ignore it, stuffing it down amidst the chaos and work that had become my life.

The gift of Christmas, I believe, is love. Unconditional love.

I didn’t want Christmas to come but it did. It came without bells, without bows because a gift of that size cannot possibly be contained in a box……….

 

 

 



I need you not to need me….


He found a job opportunity online……something that sparked his interest enough to throw himself out there and go for it. As parents this is what we’ve hoped our boys would do; look for adventure. I didn’t believe he would take a chance like this. Yet, he has.

This is the boy who has tested me constantly since the very day he came into this world. He was the baby that wouldn’t be quieted down easily…………just a little bit more needy than my other two………my middle son.

 

My royal pain in the ass child is leaving home to go work out of state.

 

My boy who is polar opposite of his older brother………..almost determined to be different, no matter the cost. The one I’ve always described as being downright challenging.

 

I have wiped his butt, helped him blow his nose and dried his tears.

 

I slept on the living room floor with him every time he was sick because he was so tiny.  When he had chicken pox we watched cartoons in the middle of the night….three nights in a row.

I cleaned up barf and woke at the sound of any rumblings in his tummy to make sure I could help him to the bucket.

I sat with him for three hours a night helping him finish his homework up until third grade when he was diagnosed with ADHD.

The three hours that usually ended with both of us in tears.

I held his hand when he was sad because his friends would tease him about his learning disability.

When he cried; I cried.

 

We sat through many baseball games and cheered him on….even though he wasn’t super interested in the game and only wanted to play because his friends did.

 

We threw birthday parties for him.

 

I fought incessantly with him only to be left on the floor while he went skipping away down the hall after his frequent tantrums.

 

The kid who has always figuratively held me tightly with one hand while pushing me away with the other. The one who craved independence but still watched over his shoulder to make sure I was still there.

 

This is the boy who was determined to do everything his own way throughout his school years……even if it meant taking night classes for the last four semesters of high school…at one point going to class for eleven hours a day two days a week.

He did it his way.

Not my way, not his dad’s and not his older brother’s………….his way.

This is the young man who on the day of graduation gave me the biggest run for my money just trying to get him through the ceremony proceedings. The one I almost throttled.

Documented in High School Graduation and Taco Bell.

This is also the son who proved he could work well with his hands over the summer doing finish carpentry.

 

The one who had the gumption to write a resume and apply for a job out of the state he’s lived in all of his life.

 

We have raised him not to need us. We have raised him to wish for bigger things…to follow his hearts desire and create his own happiness.

We have raised him to want to be financialy independent.

He has done just as we’ve asked. He’s found his way.

Away from home.

I’m so thrilled to see the excitement on his face, looking forward to something real and tangible that is the product of his own efforts.

He is truly happy and it’s been a very long haul…….dragging him into adulthood.

 

I am so very proud.

 

But………..

 

I’m going to miss my little boy.

The baby who’s arrival made for the wildest time of our lives.

The one who I could still pick up and carry until he was six years old.

That part of my life with him is over. Forever.

 

This is exactly what we brought him up to do. To not need us.

He has learned well.

 

 

 

And my heart aches.



Liebster award


 

 

My friend Jimmy over at Founding a Father awarded me, and 10 other bloggers with The Liebster Award. This award is kind of like a recognition award for bloggers. Truthfully I’ve never heard of it before but hey, I’m new to this blogging thing.

I admire Jimmy, I enjoy his writing very much and I’m honored that he chose me to be one of his 11.

So, without further ado….here goes…….

 

 

 

The rules for The Liebster Award are as follows:

 

  • Each person must post 11 things about themselves.
  • Answer the questions the person giving the award has sent you.
  • Create 11 questions for the people you will be giving the award to.
  • Choose 11 people to award and send them the link to your post. Go to their page and tell them.
  • No tag backs.

 

 

11 Things about me

 

1. I’ve lied about my height almost all of my life. I tell people I’m 5’4, but in actuallity I’m only 5’3 1/2.

Don’t tell, okay?

 

2. I’ve lived in the same city my entire existance.

 

3. I can’t sleep in a room that’s pitch black. If there isn’t some sort of light coming I’ll automatically wake up. Thank God my husband doesn’t mind. I told him I need light to find the bathroom in the middle of the night. He probably doesn’t want to get peed on so he complies.

 

4. I’ve been able to read since I was 4 1/2 because my older sister played school with me. Incessantly. She was mean if I didn’t get it. I now maintain that reading is singularly the very best and most valuable thing I know how to do.

 

5. I’ve been a hairdresser for 26 years….yes, I’m only 28…..but I never wanted to do this for a living. I hate math, and the feeling is mutual between us I’m sure. I’d been at a community college for 2 years, managed  not to to take one single mathematics class and time was running out. I enrolled in the Cosmetology program the next semester and the rest is history. My mother is still disappointed.

 

6. I have 3 pillow cases from my childhood home that I use on my pillows. They match nothing in our room and my kids have been trying to steal them from me for years. You had a blankie; I have a pillowcase.

 

7. I have an exremely active and vivid imagination. It freaks people out.

 

8. Until 4 years ago I had never thought to be a writer, although I’ve always loved to tell stories and I read constantly. The idea came from a time in my life 7 years ago when everything fell apart and I learned to journal. Unfortunately none of that stuff is very funny. Humor’s better.

 

9. I have 2 books in the works right now. One fiction and one nonfiction. Working on those is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

 

10. Writing for me, is part of a secret life. Only about 7 people in my real life know I write and have a blog. Only you, my bloggy friends and my sweet Tweeps know this about me. You could say you all know me better than they do. To me, letting some one read something I’ve written is like letting them see me naked…….let’s just say I’m extraordinarily modest.

 

11. My husband and I have been married for 22 years, he’s my biggest cheerleader, my very best friend (that saves a marriage big time) and never reads my work. He simply is not a reader. I can write whatever I want about him…….you’ll see I have……..and he’ll never see it.

 

 

 

 11 questions posed to me by my Founding A Father Friend, Jimmy.

 

1. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why?

I think I’d like to be able to read minds. I play a hairdresser in real life and my day job would be a helluva lot easier if I could figure out what the frick the client is trying to say.

2. If you could go back and tell your 18 year old self one thing, what would it be?

Don’t waste time pining over the guy (s) that dumped you because when you grow up you’ll be awesome and they’ll wish they hadn’t. Besides they won’t be such a great catch later.

3. If you watch NASCAR, do you watch because you love the Chase for the Cup or because you want to see an accident?

   I don’t watch NASCAR…..except when we happen upon it on tv and then I say to my husband in a Southern accent,

“Wow that’s a naaas caaar….”

4. What is your favorite curse word? Why?

  Shit’s probably my favorite…it just falls out of my mouth. Although, words that end in ck are very satisfying to say.

5. Dogs or cats?

  Cats. You can ignore them if you want.  I’m also a reptile fan for the same reason.  I own 3 boys…….I do not need another thing that needs me.

6. What was the last movie you cried at?

 Last movie I cried at was The Hunger Games when Rue died ( sorry to those of you who haven’t seen it yet)………… big huge crocodile tears…managed to stifle the sob, though. That is one freaky movie. I was totally sucked in and had a panic attack lasting throughout it’s entirety.

 7. If you could have 3 wishes, what would they be (and no, you can’t wish for more wishes cheater)?

Obviously I’d wish for a few million dollars, but my second wish would be to remain humble and not forget what it’s like to struggle. Third wish would be for world peace because well, you know, that’s a given. Makes me sound like a nice person anyway….

8. Your favorite place to vacation?

All time favorite place to vacation is the North Shore on the island of Oahu in Hawaii.

9. The last person you thought deserved to be punched in the throat?

   Where do I begin? I’m sure it was the guy who took cuts in front of me when ordering a drink at a bar. Dude, you saw me and pushed right through. WTF?

10. What is your porn name (first name is the name of the very first pet you had, last name is the very first street you grew up on)?

   My porn name would be……..drumroll please………………Maxie Sparrow.

 11.What song do you know all the lyrics to?

   Crap, I’m a music whore with a steel trap memeory. What song do I NOT know the lyrics to? Lemme think……First few songs that come to mind are Lone Palm by Jimmy Buffet, Black bird by The Beatles, and Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison.  And those are just the oldies…….don’t get me started.

 

 Questions for Awardees

 1. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

2. Beauty or brains? ( come on guys don’t disappoint me)

3. How did you meet your spouse/significant other.

4.  As a friend I am …..

5.  I love people who…….

6.  How much sleep do you need a night to be your best?

7.  What’s your nickname?

8.  Your secret celebrity crush.

9.  Introvert or extrovert?

10.  Do you have tattoos? How many? If not, would you ever get one?

11. You arrive at a restaurant. There’s a 35 min wait for a table in the dining room or you can sit in the bar and be served immediately. Which do you choose?

 The bloggers I’m awarding
 CrakGenius
Coffeeluvinmom
littleredhens
SAHDandProud
MommaBeThyName
SarcasmGoddess
TheMamaMash
JoEberhardt
 JenAnnHall
DiaperDads
LucyBall15
BetaDad

Looking very forward to seeing your answers and learning more about each of you.

 

 



Oh sh*t. I killed her.


The day started like any other day.

Checked my Twitter feed, looked at Facebook, took my happy pill and went to work .

I’m a hairdresser.

On Thursdays I have two standing shampoo/ blow dry appointments; the first of which is my teeny tiny little Mrs. B.

She’s a million years old, chooses not wear her hearing aids when she comes to see me and shuffles when she walks.

 

Like baby step shuffles.

 

I have an entire hour to do what would truthfully about 25 mins but, because her size is such a challenge I allow more time.

She is the size of a small child……….. minature……..next to her I look like an effing amazon………and I’m only 5’3 1/2.

 

In order to wash her hair, I need 10 towels to boost her up and plastic protective gear just to keep from completely baptizing her every week. She’d be soaked to her waist without all the preparations.

 

On this particular day, It was eleven-thirty and she hadn’t shown up yet. I worry when she does this……… thinking something’s happened to her…………….. She’s OLD, people! All kinds of things could happen!

 

I didn’t realize she’d called the front desk telling our receptionist that she had an appointment with me at one o’clock.

She has an appointment at eleven o’clock. Every effing week. It does not change.

 

“Actually Mrs B”‘. …the receptionist knows her voice…..”your appointment is at eleven o’clock. Which is right now.”

” Oh. I don’t think I’m gonna make it but, I’m not sure.”

“Well, should I reschedule your time?”

“I’m noooooot sure. I’ll call you back…”

I went up to the front desk and the receptionist says to me, “She may or may not come.”

 

 Um, ookaaaay. I had her booked for color and she was already sporting some gigantic roots on her itty bitty head. This would also mean she wouldn’t be getting her hair washed if she didn’t show up.

 

For the record, little old ladies don’t get dirty; they get dusty…………………not even kidding.

 

Within 30 minutes after the call she’d made, Mrs. B shows up in the lobby of the salon. I go up to greet her and she tells me she’s so happy I could still take her……….. knowing how late she is.

She keeps stopping while she’s talking.

 

I’m trying my best to rush her little body to my chair as I remind her that she’s having color.

I race into the dispensary to mix her color as fast as I can and I begin applying while she tells me about the antics of her fat little toosie roll of a dog…..…...which is apparently, is why she’s late.

I guess the damn dog wouldn’t go out and do her business because it had been raining and it didn’t want to get its paws wet.

 

Dude. Really? I guess when you’re 90 this is a huge crisis.

 

 

I leave her to sit while her color developes, but this is a tricky situation. She falls asleep if she has to sit any length of time.

Actually she falls asleep while I blow dry her hair. Every friggin’ week.

I don’t know why I’m surprised by this. She literally CANNOT hear, so it’s not like the blowdryer is loud or anything.

 

The time comes to wash her hair and I’m watching the clock because I have 15 mins to wash out her color and blow her dry. This is gonna run me late, but if I’m lucky I’ll only be about 10 minutes behind.

Hair is washed, I get her settled in my chair and she proceeds to fall asleep almost immediately.

 

 

Deep breath, I can do this. Just nudge her head a little and she’ll wake up.

 

 

I’m trying to hurry and she’s OUT Freaking COLD…….I mean like so soundly asleep that her head is hanging.

 

SH*T!

 

I put my blowdryer down and pick up her head putting both hands on either side. And she’s up.

 

For about 30 seconds.

 

Then, thwap……..head’s down again. At this point I’m a little concerned about whiplash.

 

I pick up her little noggin and try to work as fast as possible so I can get her out of my chair. No sooner do I do this that her head flops to the side and I’m getting totally frustrated and sweating profusely. I have to put my dryer down every single time I pick up her head.

She’s down.

Again.

 

This time I can’t get her to keep her head up at all and I feel panic run through me like and electrical shock.

 

 Oh. My. Gawd!!!!!!! 

 

 SHE”S DEAD!!!!!!!

Oh wait, don’t panic I think I see her breathing.

 Okay. Okay. Everything’s okay……

 

Now I’ve got one hand on her forehead propping her up and the blow dryer in the other because I HAVE TO FINISH!!!  My next client is due in 5 minutes!

I  look around and almost start laughing out of sheer frustration. Everyone in the salon is concentrating on their own work.

 

 

Which is good, I guess. I mean, that’s what you want as a client, right?

 

 

Not one single solitary soul sees what is going on in my chair. And all I can think is…..

 

THIS IS SO FREAKING UNBELIEVEABLE!!!!

I‘m in HELLLLLL!!!!! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!! Or at the very least, look up and commiserate!

 

 

Anybody???

 

 

My hand to her forehead must have perked her up a little because I have just enough time to bump the ends of her tiny bob  hairdo with my curling iron. Without burning her.

 

 

Yes folks, I’m a pro.

 

 

I apply some pomade, quickly spray her, rip off my styling cape……..and she wakes up.

“Oh, are you done? Already? That was soooooo relaxing.”

 

No sh*t.

 

She emits a little giggle and stands up to go change back into her sweater.

 

 

Today, I notice she tips me a little more then usual.  I tell her I’ll see her next week and off she shuffles out of the salon.

I figuratively pick myself up off the floor from the stress of it all and hope she comes in better rested next week.

 

 

 

Side note: This is not an exagerated story. It really honest to God happened; which makes it even more funny.

My husband almost peed when I told about it…..

 

BUT  truly, all kidding aside…..this little lady is so very kind and downright cute in her tinyness. It’s a priviledge to do her hair every week as I’m pretty sure she’s not long for this world.

 

 

She still drives her own car.

 

 

 

 

 



Third time’s charming…


As I was nearing the 26th week of my 3rd pregnancy, the constant comment was,

” What are you having?!”

 

 

Um, a baby, you idiot…….

 

My boys were 41/2 and 6 at the time. They wanted a sister. I agreed having a sister would be fun…….however, I knew going in that the chance of having something other than a boy was slim to none.

In fact when I started vying for a 3rd kid my husband said, ” You do realize we’ll probably have another boy, don’t you?”

I think he thought that would deter me and I’d change my mind.

Uh, not so much.

And the dumbass comments started coming.

 

“Wow, I’m sure you’re really hoping for a girl!”

Oh, yes, oh yes,  *jumping up and down clapping* and if I don’t get one I’ll send it back………….

 

Actually what I did say was, “You know, as long as it doesn’t come out a dog or a cat I’m good.”  

 

And that “Oh just so long as it’s healthy,” remark has always irritated  the crap out of me as well. Look , I’ve been lucky enough to get pregnant with no problems and delivered two babies pretty uneventfully; I would be happy with whatever The Man Upstairs was gonna give me. I guarantee you, no parent with a special needs child would say, “Oh, this one’s not what I ordered. Can you take it back?”

 

So, the very day arrrives when we’re going to have THE sonogram.

 

Earlier that afternoon I was attending  a volunteer luncheon for my sons’ elementary school. I was seated with the most obnoxious woman.

Thank goodness she’ll never read this.

And she starts talking about my abdomen and its contents.

Psycho Lady proceded to ask me series of  ridiculous questions ………. my birthday, my due date, Jim’s birthday, his eye color, mother’s maiden name, shoe size and comes up with, “You’re having a girl.  Oh, and, I’m never wrong.”

She’s absolutely smug and I want to smack her.

 

Not because I don’t believe her………which I don’t……………..I just can’t stand her attitude.

 

I very politely………….. I swear I was polite……………said, “Well thank you for that little tid bit of information.

Do you do circus tricks as well?” . Now, get your Exedrin addicted bony ass outta my sight………….

 

As luck would have it, I looked at the clock, saw it was time to dash and sped out of there as fast as my legs could carry my pregnant body.

 

FYI, I’m a nasty pregnant lady and I have been  forbidden to have more children for this very reason.

 

When we arrived at the ultrasound tech’s office I got up on the table and held Jim’s hand.

The only thing I said to the tech was, “When you see what it, is don’t blurt it out, okay?”

I’d already told her we had two boys. I was preparing myself.

 

She then said one of the nicest things I’d heard so far. She said,” Are you hoping for another boy?”

Ding, ding,ding! You win a prize for being a sensitive, thinking adult.  Hard to come by.

 

I replied, “I’m not sure.”

As she ran the wand over my stomach I saw a perfect baby. The spine, feet, hands ,face .

 

And little wee wee. Plain. As. Day.

 

She watched my face and said, “I. CAN. SEE. CAN YOU SEE?”

“Is it a boy?……….Because if it’s a boy I get to name it!”

“It’s a boy……So, what’s his name?”

“Christian,” I smiled,” His name is Christian.”

At that moment Jim was holding on to me. He probably thought I would fall off the table when I found out the baby was not a girl. Truth is,I  kinda already knew…………….

We left the office and Jim dropped me off at the neigbor’s house so I could pick up the boys.

They were waiting to find out who was in mommy’s tummy so as they came up to me I said, ” Well, guys, you’re getting a little brother.”

Jack, my oldest’s reply was, ” I wanted  a sister.”

” I know Honey but we’re having a brother and you know what’s funny about that?”

He stood there staring at me like….oh pulease Mommy, this is stupid..what’s so flippin funny about a baby brother?

“The funny thing is that God knows me sooooo well that He’s giving me another boy. He knows just what I need. Kinda like a Christmas present I didn’t think I’d use and it turns out to be the perfect gift for me.”

Okay so not such a great analogy, but at the time it made perfect sense. …….God knows exactly what I need. Not necessarily always what I think I want, and gives accordingly/judiciously.

Lord knows I’d  have royally screwed up a girl.

So, I’m getting this vibe from him like………..”seriously Mommy, are you some kinda whack-job? We’re NOT talking about Christmas presents we’re talking about babies.”

“Isn’t that great Honey? ” I said , “God knows me really really well…..”

He looks at me and says, ” I still wanted a sister.” and stomps off.

 



Snippety snip…..


As we approach the anniversary of my husband’s v-a-s-e-c-t-o-m-y I can honestly say it was one of the best days of my life.

You know….the whole no need for birth control thing…. um, lowered emissions …gross…..and the feeling that one could sit back, family established, relax and watch your precious little offspring grow up.

Are you freaking kidding me? After being poked, prodded and felt up by more doctors than I can remember, it was finally time for him to have his turn at “looky see”……….it was a monumental day for me.

How many times have you heard of women getting ready to puuuushhhh! begging for a nurse, doctor anyone passing by, to “check” her and give the okay to heave ho? We all have stories like that..numb to the waist.. your nether parts hanging out in front of God and everybody..and because of the epidural you don’t know what’s covered up and what isn’t.

But, this isn’t my story..it’s his….. and it went like this……….

My husband’s urologist looked just like David Letterman. I sh*t you not. It was freaking hysterical, especially because we didn’t meet him until the day of the procedure so we had to hide the look of surprise on our faces.

Our dear Dr. Letterman…kidding….. had a nurse named Savannah that handled all of the pre-op business prior to the big day. I must have spoken on the phone with her at least five times, so of course, we were fast friends. She had a fabulous sense of humor..I’d guess you’d have to if your work entailed discussing penises all day. ….And her job was to give me the list of particulars that he’d need for his recovery.

I was instructed to purchase a very large….Well, in Hubby’s case, anyway. God, he’s gonna kill me when he reads this…or maybe he’ll be proud of himself, I don’t know…..athletic supporter. Hell, the guy doesn’t even wear underwear….sorry Babe……so, to imagine him in a jock strap gave me a fit of giggles. Like I said…IT WAS HIS TURN!

Savannah explained to me on the phone that of course there’d be lots of swelling, duh!  and the best “ice pack” as it were?  Frozen peas. Two bags please, so you can switch them out.

The last piece of information she gave us was that Hubby needed to shave his undercarriage REALLY well.

Okay, no prob, got him a nice fresh razor and told him to go to town the night before. The next morning I checked out his handiwork and touched up the areas he couldn’t see and missed. With jock strap in hand, peas in the freezer, and clean shaven cajones, we were ready to go….

I had been told by Savannah, my new bestie at the pee-pee doc’s office, that there would be a good chance I was gonna get to watch.

Pay dirt! I was sooooo excited.

Okay, I’m not a total B. I wasn’t excited because I thought it’d be painful, I was excited because I couldn’t fathom how, exactly, this tricky little procedure was done. Obviously I don’t get grossed out super easily…well, except when I’m talking about emissions…..yuck

I was a little over enthusiastic on the drive to the office; he, in turn, was mildly irritated.

When we arrived we only waited in the waiting room for maybe ten minutes..during which time my husband became more and more nervous. I tried to be sympathetic……Oh buck up, Dude!

Savannah turned out to be a very pretty girl …which of course I already knew because she sounded really pretty on the phone…. also super charming and friendly. Just like I knew she’d be.

Sweetheart’s name is called and Savannah shows us to the small operatory where he would be losing his manhood..KIDDING….hands him a paper gown, tells him to disrobe and walks out of the room. Well, let me tell you, what happened next was right out of a movie.

Savannah Prettygirl  not only ran the front office, she was also the doctor’s assistant! After Sugar was on the table she came back in tells him to switch the gown around so the split is in the front, has him lay back and positions his feet. As she’s nonchalantly talking to me she grabs his wee wee pulls it up and tapes it to his belly thereby prompting me to ask whether he was sufficiently shaven. Hubby by now is trying to maintain because she and I were snickering. He couldn’t see a thing from his vantage point, but, uh, we could see it ALL. She proclaimed us a great shave team and went to get the doctor.

When she walked out of the room I giggled and snorted, then said, “Well, bet you weren’t expecting that…..”

I was holding my breath as I still wasn’t sure Dr.Letterman..seriously can’t remember the guys name… …was gonna let me stay, but he walked in noted that my man was in position and shook my hand. Savannah was in charge of the cleaning the area prepping it for the local anesthesia. As Doctor was administering the series of shots he had a vice grip on Hubby’s scrotum.

From what I could gather, Sweetheart seemed okay, and the doctor looked at me and said, “Okay, Mrs. Gallagher, my hands are going to be very busy for the next fifteen or twenty minutes. If you feel faint I can’t catch you because if I let go go of your husband’s balls he’ll bleed to death.”

“Um, heellllooo, if I pass out it’s my own damn fault, and if I do I’ll make sure I fall away from the patient.”

The cool part of this whole thing was how the doctor made sure I could see what he was doing and how…… even answering my questions as they arose..no pun intended…….. Poor Honeybunch couldn’t see sh*t and was remarking the whole time that he was really glad he could provide the entertainment…….yeah, yeah, shut up…you’ve seen my perinium stretched and snipped to make way for your children. This was the least he could do…..

Sweetie Pie came through with flying colors……… recovered nicely after dodging the knees of our then three year old, and mowing the lawn a few days too early.

I’m also happy to report that the operation was a success although he never did go get rechecked to make sure he was shooting blanks. However, if necessary, I could redo the procedure since I know how it’s done. I saw it all…..it’s only a small incision and a couple of snips…

 

 



High school graduation and Taco Bell.


My middle son has graduated from high school.

                                 Praise God.

I worried incessantly for two and a half years that he wouldn’t be able to claim this rite of passage as his own.

 

 But dang it if this kid hasn’t given me a run for my money every day, and if there’s a monkey wrench to be thrown in any plan……guaranteed , he’s the one who chucked it.

 

Here’s the interesting course of events that lead up to that all important day…….



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