Notes from the desk of the Analogy Queen

I’m so confused. I don’t where anything is, or how I get to where I need to be. Uncharted territory.  I don’t know anyone so there really isn’t anyone to ask. Well……………I could, but what if no one comes to my aid?

I’m embarrassed at my lack of knowledge.

Like I was supposed to know all this stuff before I got here.

Sure there’s an information station, but it’s still a little confusing. A lot of it you simply have to figure out on your own.

This is a chance to try something new. Reeducate myself.

But, what if I get an ’F'?! Oh, my gosh I could totally fail………..

To make matters worse, I don’t have any friends.

This is a brand spanking new situation for me.

Not to brag………….but I’ve always been sorta popular.

Now, I’m virtually no one.

I could use this to my advantage, you know, like create a whole new persona. This is an opportunity to truly exercise my intelligence, or lack thereof……develop my sense of humor.

But, seriously at my age? Trying to find people to hang out with is pretty difficult although I’m finding if I’m patient the friends seem to arrive.

Maybe once they get to know me things will be easier. It’s so hard when I have to rely solely on how I word something not necessarily on how I say it.

I can’t exactly count on my voice to provide proper inflection. I have to trust that how I portray myself, with the limited tools on hand, will be how I appear to others.

Yet, it’s so lonely!

I want to jump into conversations going on around me, but I feel like I’m butting in. I’m so afraid people will think I’m a total dork, like, “who is this woman?” I’ve been so careful about what I say.

When I do try to engage, I get a little panicky, hoping I’ve made a decent impression. It’s difficult to know how I’m perceived………….impossible to tell.

I have met some very nice people who’ve been kind and sort of welcomed me into their circle. On Fridays there’s kind of a meet and greet, thing but that’s a slow process too.

Although, finally after weeks of participation I’ve gotten

some acquaintances to introduce me to their friends.

Again, patience is a total virtue……………..unfortunately not one I possess.

God is testing me, I know it!

I’m fighting it…….trying not to let this whole experience affect my self esteem. I can’t take it personally.

They just don’t know me yet.

But they will.

In time.

Maybe I should just introduce myself, throw it out there and see what comes back. I haven’t been this shy since I was in junior high school!

It’s so hard being the new kid.

On Twitter.

And forget about  Google +  I don’t even know how that sh*t works!

4 Comments | In: Marriage; keeping it real. | tags: fear of failure, making new friends. | #

My little boy had a friend sleep over last night.

Now, I like this kid okay….. except he doesn’t talk a whole lot. To me anyway.

I find this profoundly irritating…….but whatever…..

This morning my son comes in to our room and says, ” Mom, we’re hungry.” I reply that I’d get up and make pancakes. Pancakes! Not cereal, not toast, not cold pizza, but pancakes!

I’m thinking I’m doing great; not “Mother of the Year” great, but hey at least I’m trying…..

As I’m getting the ingredients out of the pantry, my boy comes in and says quietly, “Don’t make a lot. Bobby doesn’t like pancakes. He says he’s gonna go to his grandma’s and eat breakfast there.”

Seriously? Well you can just haul your lily white tail right on over to your grandma’s and see if she’ll make you a more exceptable meal.

Turd.

What kid doesn’t like pancakes?

I’ll tell you……..the kind of kid who’s mom brings him fast food of one kind or another for lunch every single day at school.

This is what I call the ”Have it your Your Way” syndrome.

When kids get to choose what they’ll be eating EVERY FRICKIN MEAL they refuse to eat what’s put in front of them. My youngest has two friends who do this. Makes me want to strangle ‘em

My boys are accustomed to eating whatever I put in front of them because :

A) I’m way too lazy to go out, get in the car, and fetch food for them.

B) It’s expensive.

Next time that kid comes over I’m offering him a glass of water and a toothpick.

3 Comments | In: Marriage; keeping it real. | tags: Picky eaters. | #

Something I learned pretty quickly once my boys started asking big questions. Only answer the singular one they’ve asked. That’s it. Stop right there.

I got pregnant with my third baby when my boys were 4 1/2 and 6 so they were old enough to know something was up with Mommy. They were keenly aware of my changing shape and were pretty fascinated as I got bigger.

Not like little girls might be, I’d guess……….but still fascinated.

And, of course they they wanted a sister.

Only because they didn’t have one…..

The day of my ultrasound came I was a little nervous. It would be fun to have a girl, but truly I really didn’t care.

I had the boy thing down pat. That in itself is a whole other entry.

We go to the ultrasound office and the results show very obviously I’m carrying a boy.

Jim’s totally tickled smiling to himself and I’m in total awe because the clarity of the pictures were so amazing. I got to see my little boy’s face up close.

And he was perfect.

We leave the office to go tell the brothers at home.

Cole, my second, wasn’t super impressed with the picture of his new brother. He looked at it and said ,”Okay so I’m getting a baby brother.” and ran off…

However…. my  oldest, Jack, was totally annoyed and remarked ,”I wanted a sister.”……. turned and walked away……… again,.a whole other entry……

As I got bigger and bigger Jack became more agitated. He would look at me worriedly staring at my stomach……..

Up to this point neither boy had asked how this little bundle of joy was going to get out ……..and I didn’t volunteer the information.

One afternoon the three of us are in the car driving….which was great because they were in the back seat and couldn’t see my face….. …Jack all of a sudden speaks up and says ,”Mommy, when you have a baby do they cut your stomach open?”

Wow. I took a deep breath and replied,”Well, honey, yes some people have their babies that way.”

He said, “Oh,okay.” And that was it. That was answer enough for him. Thank God.

I didn’t tell him that I don’t have babies that way.

No Comments | In: Marriage; keeping it real. | | #

One year, when my older two boys were little, I sent them to summer school.

I had an incoming first grader and a second grader….

One of the little boys in my first grader’s class had what I believed to be spina bifida. He used crutches and had a difficult time walking but otherwise seemed perfectly normal. I didn’t think a whole lot about it and I didn’t react to him any differently than any other kid in the class. He was just another little boy.

How many times had I been in the grocery store or out in public when they’d ask, ” Mommy why is that person like that? Why are they that color, shape, size….etc.”………….  it’s my job is to raise empathetic, compassionate kids.

It was important  to me that they be respectful and not get freaked out when they saw a person who had a handicap of any kind.

When they’d ask why someone was the way they were I’d just say, ” Each of us is made differently. I don’t know why. One is not better than the other …we are all unique and special.”

As really little kids this answer was sufficient.

 As human beings we deem things/people perfect or imperfect, but really, what do we know about perfection?

One morning I walked my #2 son into his class and helped him get settled. The routine was to select a book from a small bookcase, sit down and quietly read. Cole chose the one he wanted and sat down.

Just as I turned around to leave the room the little boy with spina bifida asked for my help. He’d managed manuver to the bookcase without his crutches but couldn’t get back. I took his hand and held onto him as he toddled back to his seat.

Later when I went back to pick up the boys, Cole was very curious and asked about me helping the little boy. I  told him he didn’t have his crutches and needed my hand to hang onto to get seated. As he was asking me this my older son was intently listening to our conversation.

The looks on their faces were full of curiosity……They were only 5 1/2 and 7 at the time; pretty pure and innocent. I had two sets of big blue eyes staring at me……..

My oldest, Jack,  looked at my face and said, “Mommy what did that little boy’s hand feel like in your hand?”

So simple. That was all he wanted to know…how did it feel…….

Without even a breath I replied, ” Just like yours Honey. Exactly like yours.”

I have no idea what they thought I was going to say but they both looked a little surprised and then shrugged their shoulders……..kinda like, “Oh, okay………..so what’s for lunch?”

They don’t remember that conversation…they’re 18 and almost 17….but it’s one I can’t forget.

Just like manners, we teach them empathy.

No Comments | In: Marriage; keeping it real. | tags: empathy and children, handicaps. | #