August 23rd, 2011
I’m so confused. I don’t where anything is, or how I get to where I need to be. Uncharted territory. I don’t know anyone so there really isn’t anyone to ask. Well……………I could, but what if no one comes to my aid?
I’m embarrassed at my lack of knowledge.
Like I was supposed to know all this stuff before I got here.
Sure there’s an information station, but it’s still a little confusing. A lot of it you simply have to figure out on your own.
This is a chance to try something new. Reeducate myself.
But, what if I get an ’F'?! Oh, my gosh I could totally fail………..
To make matters worse, I don’t have any friends.
This is a brand spanking new situation for me.
Not to brag………….but I’ve always been sorta popular.
Now, I’m virtually no one.
I could use this to my advantage, you know, like create a whole new persona. This is an opportunity to truly exercise my intelligence, or lack thereof……develop my sense of humor.
But, seriously at my age? Trying to find people to hang out with is pretty difficult although I’m finding if I’m patient the friends seem to arrive.
Maybe once they get to know me things will be easier. It’s so hard when I have to rely solely on how I word something not necessarily on how I say it.
I can’t exactly count on my voice to provide proper inflection. I have to trust that how I portray myself, with the limited tools on hand, will be how I appear to others.
Yet, it’s so lonely!
I want to jump into conversations going on around me, but I feel like I’m butting in. I’m so afraid people will think I’m a total dork, like, “who is this woman?” I’ve been so careful about what I say.
When I do try to engage, I get a little panicky, hoping I’ve made a decent impression. It’s difficult to know how I’m perceived………….impossible to tell.
I have met some very nice people who’ve been kind and sort of welcomed me into their circle. On Fridays there’s kind of a meet and greet, thing but that’s a slow process too.
Although, finally after weeks of participation I’ve gotten
some acquaintances to introduce me to their friends.
Again, patience is a total virtue……………..unfortunately not one I possess.
God is testing me, I know it!
I’m fighting it…….trying not to let this whole experience affect my self esteem. I can’t take it personally.
They just don’t know me yet.
But they will.
Maybe I should just introduce myself, throw it out there and see what comes back. I haven’t been this shy since I was in junior high school!
It’s so hard being the new kid.
And forget about Google + I don’t even know how that sh*t works!