I suffer from what a girlfriend and I call ‘happy childhood syndrome’. I had no idea what a crazy ride my adult life would become. I wasn’t prepared! But, I grew up and got married. That being said, this is what I’ve found.
There’s nothing romantic about being married.
N-O-T-H-I-N-G.
Weddings are romantic……….being married is not.
Once you’ve lived together for a while and you get to see each other as you truly are, it’s hard to hide basic human functions when you occupy the same space. Not that I have ever tried. Sorry, Babe.
We did know a guy who would go the the local gas station to take a dump or wait until his wife left for work (not even kidding) to hide that part of daily human function…… which would be exhausting or at the very least, really inconvenient and unhealthy.
Anyway…..call it God’s will or dumb luck, Hubs and I have learned to work along side each other. This seems to be a tricky part of mature marriage.
I don’t mean mature as in our outlook on life, I mean mature as in we’ve been married a long time.
So, how do you get through the hardest of times when things look very bleak and still remain connected? I don’t know, sex maybe?
I’m kidding. Sort of…
No really, the one thing has kept me from wanting to cut my losses and G T F O?
I like my husband.
A lot.
I’ve never met anyone I like better than I like him.
Never.
Not in 26 1/2 years.
And believe me, he’s far from perfect. He does all the dumba** man sh*t just like the rest of the male species.
Of course, I love him very much as well, but to me, loving and liking someone are two different things.
Wait a minute, isn’t love a strong form of like anyway?
He and I have had more than our share of difficult times and we’ve endured a lot……things that I’ve seen other marriages break up over. And, depending on how you view it, money can be the largest obstacle. It can be a make or break deal.
But not for me.
Which doesn’t make sense because I like nice stuff……and, in my own skin, I’m kind of a bitch and a princess, so go figure………..
I’ve known plenty of people who’ve fallen off the marriage wagon due to financial strain and I’ve seen the visible (I sh*t you not) look of utter surprise when people see that we’re still together. Some have actually expressed envy because we’re first and foremost really good friends. Good friends who have sex all the time…………. Come on, it’s free, people!!!!
Money doesn’t buy happiness.
In all this time, I’ve never been able to say in good conscience, “this is too hard and you’re not worth it”.
This is not to say that there aren’t days when I feel like I’m running a marathon, I’m at mile 22 and I’m running out of gas.
But, when you’re down the lowest common denominator you learn to assess and take inventory.
The most valuable thing in my life is my marriage.
This is a thing that can’t be bought.
It is what I’m left with after the ravages of the last few years; the poor economy, health issues, lost businesses, income and a home.
Still, I wake up everyday, look a the man next to me and think to myself, “I still choose you. Even though sometimes you snore and talk in your sleep. If things are gonna be crappy and I have to walk through waist high sh*t, I’d rather do that with you than be rescued by someone else…because I’m desperately in like with you.
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13 Comments, Comment or Ping
I love this post for being well written and I love this post because it rings true and is very reassuring. “OMG, he drives me crazy and is such an asshole but the sex is really hot and I just can’t seem to keep away from him” is a good plot for a bad romantic comedy. It’s not a good foundation for a marriage. Not that sex and attraction dry up necessarily within the context of marriage but 95% of your time is spent on other stuff. Add kids, financial strain, illness, and the rest of life’s nitty gritty to the mix and you’re in trouble if you don’t genuinely like your partner.
June 26th, 2012
So true, right? Thanks for the comment.
June 26th, 2012
This is lovely. My marriage didn’t make it but I have found husband #2 and I am desperately in like with him.
Congratulations and best wishes for your continued happiness.
This was great because it was happy without being syrupy.
June 26th, 2012
This is possibly the most truthful blog post I’ve ever read. Beautifully written. There are times that my husband drives me so insanely crazy that I wonder how the heck I got on this train to begin with, but after 13 years together, I still look at him every day and think: I genuinely like you. I trust you, I enjoy your company, and you are my best friend.
There’s no more solid foundation for a marriage than that.
June 26th, 2012
I love it Jo! Life would be a whole different ball of wax if we couldn’t stand our men. Thanks for the comment.
June 26th, 2012
Thank you for your kind words. Life’s been interesting but I have definitely benefitted from being married to my closest friend.
June 26th, 2012
Great post, I enjoyed that very much!
My husband and I have been married for 12 years and I agree with you 100 %. And my husband is a keeper!
June 26th, 2012
Thank you for reading. Glad you enjoyed it!
June 26th, 2012
I completely agree that liking someone is the first and foremost important ingredient to a happy marriage.
It really helps to get through the rocky parts when you are doing it (and *ahem* doing it) with your very best friend.
I wish you guys a lifetime of awesomeness.
June 27th, 2012
Thank you!
June 27th, 2012
We’ve only been living together 2.5 years but I cannot go to the bathroom if he is in the house. I’m not kidding.
Cohabitating is not romantic at all, except int he way that it is – two people loving each other, despite… and believe me there is so much “despite…” he calls it “bonding.” I said, “can we bond a little less?”
Great post!!
June 28th, 2012
This was such a wonderful, honest piece and it couldn’t have come at a better time. My sweet guy just started one of those long, hard been-married-a-long time-but-we-need-to-talk-about-this conversations this morning. At the end of it, my first thought was how lucky I was that I had a guy who could start a conversation I didn’t want to have about a subject we hate talking about—his family. It’s not all romance, but it is comforting and sweet and like you, my most valued possession. I think Ellen feels the same way—she is celebrating her 19th anniversary with Frank in San Juan. Grea piece, Erin
June 28th, 2012
You are too funny! Yes, living together certainly is a bonding experience:)
Thanks for reading
June 28th, 2012
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