I need you not to need me….


He found a job opportunity online……something that sparked his interest enough to throw himself out there and go for it. As parents this is what we’ve hoped our boys would do; look for adventure. I didn’t believe he would take a chance like this. Yet, he has.

This is the boy who has tested me constantly since the very day he came into this world. He was the baby that wouldn’t be quieted down easily…………just a little bit more needy than my other two………my middle son.

 

My royal pain in the ass child is leaving home to go work out of state.

 

My boy who is polar opposite of his older brother………..almost determined to be different, no matter the cost. The one I’ve always described as being downright challenging.

 

I have wiped his butt, helped him blow his nose and dried his tears.

 

I slept on the living room floor with him every time he was sick because he was so tiny.  When he had chicken pox we watched cartoons in the middle of the night….three nights in a row.

I cleaned up barf and woke at the sound of any rumblings in his tummy to make sure I could help him to the bucket.

I sat with him for three hours a night helping him finish his homework up until third grade when he was diagnosed with ADHD.

The three hours that usually ended with both of us in tears.

I held his hand when he was sad because his friends would tease him about his learning disability.

When he cried; I cried.

 

We sat through many baseball games and cheered him on….even though he wasn’t super interested in the game and only wanted to play because his friends did.

 

We threw birthday parties for him.

 

I fought incessantly with him only to be left on the floor while he went skipping away down the hall after his frequent tantrums.

 

The kid who has always figuratively held me tightly with one hand while pushing me away with the other. The one who craved independence but still watched over his shoulder to make sure I was still there.

 

This is the boy who was determined to do everything his own way throughout his school years……even if it meant taking night classes for the last four semesters of high school…at one point going to class for eleven hours a day two days a week.

He did it his way.

Not my way, not his dad’s and not his older brother’s………….his way.

This is the young man who on the day of graduation gave me the biggest run for my money just trying to get him through the ceremony proceedings. The one I almost throttled.

Documented in High School Graduation and Taco Bell.

This is also the son who proved he could work well with his hands over the summer doing finish carpentry.

 

The one who had the gumption to write a resume and apply for a job out of the state he’s lived in all of his life.

 

We have raised him not to need us. We have raised him to wish for bigger things…to follow his hearts desire and create his own happiness.

We have raised him to want to be financialy independent.

He has done just as we’ve asked. He’s found his way.

Away from home.

I’m so thrilled to see the excitement on his face, looking forward to something real and tangible that is the product of his own efforts.

He is truly happy and it’s been a very long haul…….dragging him into adulthood.

 

I am so very proud.

 

But………..

 

I’m going to miss my little boy.

The baby who’s arrival made for the wildest time of our lives.

The one who I could still pick up and carry until he was six years old.

That part of my life with him is over. Forever.

 

This is exactly what we brought him up to do. To not need us.

He has learned well.

 

 

 

And my heart aches.


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