2:27 a.m……. the sound of buzzing as if cicadas have invaded my head……the noise becomes louder by the nanosecond…….giving way to a zzzzzzzzzttttttttt!!!! Like crickets on crack.
I’m having a panic attack. Again.
My eyes fly open as my heart rate increases at breakneck speed. There’s an elephant sitting on my chest and I can’t breathe! My thoughts swirl bouncing around in my head. They swarm in a laundry list of worries that are truly life threatening…..
Does my youngest boy have enough blankets on his bed?! Should I go make sure he’s not cold.?! Does he have clean clothes for school.?!! Oh crap, I need to make sure he takes a shower when he wakes up! Is he sleeping on his back, because if he is, I’m sure his mouth is wide open. If his mouth is wide open then he’s certainly not breathing out of his nose! Oh Crap! I’ve heard mouth breathing causes cavities!!
Is my middle son doing his homework because I forgot to check!!! Are his rubber bands on his teeth so he can get those stupid braces off?! Does he have food in his room again?! We absolutely have to get his carpet cleaned! Maybe I should take his phone away the next time I discover food in his room. What if his homework isn’t done??!! Why, oh why, didn’t I check before he went to bed!! I’ll probably get a call tomorrow from somebody at school insinuating I’m not doing my job as a parent! Can’t he just do his freaking homework??!!
Is my oldest son going to drown in the ocean or get eaten by a shark because he had to quit the high school golf team and switch to the surf team?!!
Will he be sorry/angry or both with me and his dad for not making him stick with the golf team after 3 years of playing on varsity? And now he’s gonna break his neck and be hospitalized…….or worse dead from his injuries!!! How will we pay for his hospitalization and/or burial?!!!
And now he wants to drive a car? Are you kidding me?! He can’t!! I won’t survive it!!! How much will his insurance be?!!! How will we pay for the accidents he’ll get into and/or his burial when he fatally wounds himself?!!!! How will we go on if we lose a kid! Why can’t he stop growing up?!!!!
AND……the most worrisome of all worries…..
Did any of them brush their teeth before bed???!!!
I’M A TERRIBLE MOTHER!!!!!!!!
Then as always…amazingly at first light I am reminded that it’s a brand new day. All things are possible/doable and everything will be just fine, I can do this……I can handle my life……..that is, until my next panic attack………