Third time’s charming…

As I was nearing the 26th week of my 3rd pregnancy, the constant comment was,

” What are you having?!”



Um, a baby, you idiot…….


My boys were 41/2 and 6 at the time. They wanted a sister. I agreed having a sister would be fun…….however, I knew going in that the chance of having something other than a boy was slim to none.

In fact when I started vying for a 3rd kid my husband said, ” You do realize we’ll probably have another boy, don’t you?”

I think he thought that would deter me and I’d change my mind.

Uh, not so much.

And the dumbass comments started coming.


“Wow, I’m sure you’re really hoping for a girl!”

Oh, yes, oh yes,  *jumping up and down clapping* and if I don’t get one I’ll send it back………….


Actually what I did say was, “You know, as long as it doesn’t come out a dog or a cat I’m good.”  


And that “Oh just so long as it’s healthy,” remark has always irritated  the crap out of me as well. Look , I’ve been lucky enough to get pregnant with no problems and delivered two babies pretty uneventfully; I would be happy with whatever The Man Upstairs was gonna give me. I guarantee you, no parent with a special needs child would say, “Oh, this one’s not what I ordered. Can you take it back?”


So, the very day arrrives when we’re going to have THE sonogram.


Earlier that afternoon I was attending  a volunteer luncheon for my sons’ elementary school. I was seated with the most obnoxious woman.

Thank goodness she’ll never read this.

And she starts talking about my abdomen and its contents.

Psycho Lady proceded to ask me series of  ridiculous questions ………. my birthday, my due date, Jim’s birthday, his eye color, mother’s maiden name, shoe size and comes up with, “You’re having a girl.  Oh, and, I’m never wrong.”

She’s absolutely smug and I want to smack her.


Not because I don’t believe her………which I don’t……………..I just can’t stand her attitude.


I very politely………….. I swear I was polite……………said, “Well thank you for that little tid bit of information.

Do you do circus tricks as well?” . Now, get your Exedrin addicted bony ass outta my sight………….


As luck would have it, I looked at the clock, saw it was time to dash and sped out of there as fast as my legs could carry my pregnant body.


FYI, I’m a nasty pregnant lady and I have been  forbidden to have more children for this very reason.


When we arrived at the ultrasound tech’s office I got up on the table and held Jim’s hand.

The only thing I said to the tech was, “When you see what it, is don’t blurt it out, okay?”

I’d already told her we had two boys. I was preparing myself.


She then said one of the nicest things I’d heard so far. She said,” Are you hoping for another boy?”

Ding, ding,ding! You win a prize for being a sensitive, thinking adult.  Hard to come by.


I replied, “I’m not sure.”

As she ran the wand over my stomach I saw a perfect baby. The spine, feet, hands ,face .


And little wee wee. Plain. As. Day.


She watched my face and said, “I. CAN. SEE. CAN YOU SEE?”

“Is it a boy?……….Because if it’s a boy I get to name it!”

“It’s a boy……So, what’s his name?”

“Christian,” I smiled,” His name is Christian.”

At that moment Jim was holding on to me. He probably thought I would fall off the table when I found out the baby was not a girl. Truth is,I  kinda already knew…………….

We left the office and Jim dropped me off at the neigbor’s house so I could pick up the boys.

They were waiting to find out who was in mommy’s tummy so as they came up to me I said, ” Well, guys, you’re getting a little brother.”

Jack, my oldest’s reply was, ” I wanted  a sister.”

” I know Honey but we’re having a brother and you know what’s funny about that?”

He stood there staring at me like….oh pulease Mommy, this is stupid..what’s so flippin funny about a baby brother?

“The funny thing is that God knows me sooooo well that He’s giving me another boy. He knows just what I need. Kinda like a Christmas present I didn’t think I’d use and it turns out to be the perfect gift for me.”

Okay so not such a great analogy, but at the time it made perfect sense. …….God knows exactly what I need. Not necessarily always what I think I want, and gives accordingly/judiciously.

Lord knows I’d  have royally screwed up a girl.

So, I’m getting this vibe from him like………..”seriously Mommy, are you some kinda whack-job? We’re NOT talking about Christmas presents we’re talking about babies.”

“Isn’t that great Honey? ” I said , “God knows me really really well…..”

He looks at me and says, ” I still wanted a sister.” and stomps off.


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