Stuff people have said to me that strikes me as funny…..


“You should be a stand up comedian.”

Cool, but I’d never make a dime……besides I’d only crack myself up and then  inadvertently pee my pants…..which people probably wouldn’t find very funny……..

“You know Karyn, you only have about 5 good days a month.”

My husband.  Yeah, the one who values me for my brain, although probably not my hormones……….thanks sweetie……jerk…………hope you’re in on one of those days………….

“Are you from Texas? Because you look like you should be from Texas.”

I was meeting some girlfriends at a restaurant for a birthday celebration and this would be a mix of quite a few diferent people; many I didn’t know.

I no sooner walk in and sit down when this little snip of a chick says this to me.

Uh, for reals? Have another tequila shot, Missy. We say these things to strangers? I think not……..

That was a backhanded b*tch-slap of a compliment……..which I didn’t find too terribly complimentary. Seriously. What constitutes looking like a friggin Texan. Hell, my hair isn’t even that big………..

“Oh Karyn, should have been a governor’s wife.”

What, because I look like the kind of woman who’d put up with my husband sleeping with the help?

I totally get how that happens, I mean I understand……..maybe mama is a cold fish or something………..but I’d probably be a teensy bit irate, do something irrational…..thereby making it not too super cool to be a governors wife…

Arnold was still in office at the time. So thank you, but no thank you.

Of course the money from the divorce would be pretty sweet.

You have the face of a movie star.”

A delusional old lady with a profoundly lazy eye .

I couldn’t figure out A, who she was talking to and B, which eye was looking where.

At 14 years of age, this may have very well been my first experience with someone touched by Alzheimer’s disease. I was puzzled.

I was at the height of my awkward stage. Not cute.

And, probably the beginning of me learning to smile when I don’t know what else to do…………then looking like an idiot so as not to appear rude.

I get my manners from my mother.

I think we were at the zoo, which explains a lot……..

When I said she was old I meant OLD. Bless her little lazy-eyed heart.

and…………..obviously it didn’t mean sh*t because I became a hair dresser…………

“Karyn has NEVER had a weight problem!

NOT an old boyfriend, but a friend from high school upon seeing me after 28 years. Once again, thank you Facebook…….I sound like a stalker don’t I?

Saaweeet! But uh, how in the world would he know?

He hadn’t seen me in 28 years.

I found my friend T and we made arrangements to get together. The four of us had a great time…T’s wife and my husband and the 2 of us. Wait that sounds funny…I mean he and his wife and me and my husband. Together but not together…..

While we were having drinks somehow the conversation turned to my and T’s high school years. My husband didn’t go to school with me so it was fun to have someone there who knew me “when”.

Hell, I’ve had 3 kids I’ve been fat plenty of times.

My husband of course, has been with me all this time so he knows how I’ve changed over the years. He thinks my life didn’t even start til he met me.

That’s okay Babe, think whatever you want…….

 



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